I’ve had this a few times where frustrated submissives have asked me about masters who demand 100% of the submissive, but only give partially of themselves. So I’ll say it loud and clear:
A master who refuses to be 100% your master is no master at all.
Most of what a dominant wants to do can only really work when he’s there to observe you in daily life. Remote domination is a temporary stopgap measure for when you’re unable to be together. It’s a coping mechanism, while you both work towards being together again.
But this isn’t even about remote, tbh. You can be physically there but not fully present. It’s the same kind of thing. It’s giving into your fears, keeping that escape hatch handy should things go sideways. It allows you to avoid the messy daily reality of a relationship, filtering only for the perfect fantasy in your mind. But it comes at a cost, because while it titillates, your needs aren’t actually being met. When the hard parts of the relationship start (and they will), the shaky foundation you’ve built will be too weak to weather the storms.
The further removed you are, the less you’ll see, the less you’ll understand, and the less compassion you’ll feel. This goes both ways (for dominant and submissive alike). For a master, you court disaster if you want 100% but won’t give it.
There are parallels in this to the Vietnam war. Central command was so far removed from the situation on the ground that despite their best efforts, the plans they came up with often didn’t make sense, and their orders would eventually enter the realm of the bizarre as they tried to blindly navigate a reality that didn’t match their preconceived notions of how things are supposed to work. Everyone here knows how a dom/sub relationship is supposed to work, right? With all the perfectly thought out rules and punishments and rituals and collars and such? We’ve all read the pithy Tumblr posts about it. We’re experts now, right?
No plan of operations extends with any certainty beyond the first contact with the main hostile force.
– Helmuth von Moltke the Elder, Great General Staff, Prussia
We’re human. Every one of our situations is unique, and the only hope of someone ever understanding your situation is for them to BE there, with you, in the ugly trenches of real life as you stumble, suffer, and fail (once again, I’m talking about BOTH dom and sub). The truly important things happen spontaneously, in the shower, while you’re driving, as you feed the dog, in the middle of the night. One tiny detail can change everything, and you’ll only see it by being there. A report simply doesn’t capture that. A phone call can’t show the look on your face. A message won’t replace a touch.
It’s easy to get submission from afar, but impossible to get surrender. To achieve 100%, you must be there 100%.