I’m not a big fan of labels. They always seem to leave a little something lacking. However the term alpha submissive has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve frequently seen people ask about what it means to be an ‘alpha submissive,’ and so I thought it was an apt time to share what it means to me. (Your mileage may vary)
I am a leader. Let’s start with that. If there is a power vacuum, I will naturally step into place and lead. If I’m in a meeting and everyone is staring at one another unsure where to start, I will be the first to stand and begin asking questions. If I plan an event with friends/family I am the one who decides where we will meet, and who will bring what. I don’t do this because I desire leadership, but because I detest chaos. Indecision drives me crazy.
So am I really a submissive? Yes! I don’t crave leadership, what I crave is the quiet that comes with knowing that the mundane is managed and everything is in it’s place. I do not enjoy being the one who creates that order, but I am perfectly capable of doing so if there is no one better suited.
Now here’s the important bit. I didn’t say “if there is someone more willing,” I said, “if there is someone better suited.” There’s a huge difference. I am a leader who will only bow to a stronger leader than myself. Weak leaders need not apply. I’ll eat you for breakfast, and not so much as sit down to do it.
So are alpha submissives better than other submissives? No! Just different. Alpha submissives can be hard to find, because we don’t shout ‘submissive’ when you see us in our day-to-day lives. We’re not going to hand over a single shred of power until you’ve earned it, and if their Doms falter even a little I believe alpha subs have a tendency to fall into topping from the bottom, and that can be quite troublesome.
Shy subs, Bratty subs, little subs, alpha subs… we are all valid, what matters is our compatibility with our Dominants. No category is above another, like flavors of ice cream we come in many varieties, each perfectly suited to different tastes.
***As a footnote I’m going to mention that ‘alpha submissive’ is a term that is also used in poly relationships to denote the most senior submissive, or sometimes the submissive who helps to guide the other submissives alongside her Dominant. ***